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I teach and practice Gestalt therapy, Career decision coaching, and Family Constellations work. As well as Australia, I teach workshops and training in China, Japan, Korea, the USA & Mexico. I am author of Understanding The Woman In Your Life, a book of advice for men about relationships with women. In my work as director of Lifeworks I provide therapy,  training and supervision. I am a Phd candidate, studying the interpersonal dynamics of power, and am currently director of an MA in Spiritual Psychology for Ryokan College, an accredited online institution based in LA.

2016年7月27日 星期三

案例 #182 - 仅存在于想象中的拒绝

巴瑞是个保守的男人,很安静,不习惯分享他的感受。

我们对此有了一些对话。他说他有个问题是害怕别人的拒绝,而且他总觉得和别人很疏离。

我问他在我们的工作坊团体中他有多感觉疏离:我想从一个普遍性的问题开始,产生一个即刻显现的、一个立刻就能看出端倪的结果。

否则人们容易停留在他们对问题进行概括归纳的层次,我想把这种概括变得更尖锐些。

他说他确实因为害怕被拒绝而感觉在团体之外。

在完型中我们一直鼓励人与人之间的连接,特别是在人们停留在对别人的想象的地方。所以我发起了一个实验,让团队成员和巴瑞分享他们对他接纳和拒绝的程度-用百分比来表达。我这么做是想让反馈尽量精准。巴瑞觉得人们对他的拒绝程度的百分比会很高,但其实每个人都是从对那个人完全不同的方面感受拒绝和接受的,就像光谱一样。

团队成员一个个说出他们对巴瑞的接受度是90%-100%。

巴瑞非常吃惊-他期待中的比例要低得多。

所以,他说他不完全相信那个百分比。我问他有多少比例的不相信,他说他只相信70%。
我接受了-我们总是从人们目前能达到的基础那里开始工作。我说即使这样,人们对他的接受度也算是和他的期待相比相当的高了。

我检查他的感受-非常大的变化,从一开始的疏离感到现在小心谨慎地升起来的一种归属感。

"好的接触"在完型中不仅代表正面的接触和感受,也包含负面的。去了解客户和其他人之间的关系,即使是困难的部分,也是一个更加真实和创造对话的好立足点。在后面的个案中我会和巴瑞以及团体成员一起来探索哪些是他们不接受他的那10%。这些很有帮助的信息,比那些还没有说出的部分,更能悄悄地投射在巴瑞的意识上,使在一个更加落地的关系中探索这些结果成为可能。

好的接触是一个落地的经历,在此时此地,我们与自己全然地在一起,也与他人全然地在一起,以我们本来的样子,也以他们本来的样子。这包含了从一个想象的领域转移到一个更加清晰的连接当中。

© Lifeworks 2012

Contact: admin@learngestalt.com

Who is this blog for?

These case examples are for therapists, students and those working in the helping professions. The purpose is to show how the Gestalt approach works in practice, linking theory with clinical challenges.

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Contact: admin@learngestalt.com

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http://www.depth.net.au

For Men

Here is a dedicated site for my book Understanding the Woman in Your Life

http://www.manlovesawoman.com

The Unvirtues

A site dedicated to this novel approach to the dynamics of self interest in relationship

http://www.unvirtues.com

Learn Gestalt

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Gestalt therapy demonstration sessions

Touching pain and anger: https://youtu.be/3r-lsBhfzqY (40m)

Permission to feel: https://youtu.be/2rSNpLBAqj0 (54m)

Marriage after 50: https://youtu.be/JRb1mhmtIVQ (1h 17m)

Serafina - Angel wings: https://youtu.be/iY_FeviFRGQ (45m)

Barb Wire Tattoo: https://youtu.be/WlA9Xfgv6NM (37m)

A natural empath; vibrating with joy: https://youtu.be/tZCHRUrjJ7Y (39m)

Dealing with a metal spider: https://youtu.be/3Z9905IhYBA (51m)

Interactive group: https://youtu.be/G0DVb81X2tY (1h 57m)